Crap My Editor Says

My friend Jim edits my novels before I write the second drafts. He's amazing. He's also a little crazy. So I decided that the rest of the world needed to experience his wisdom.


“It seems like every time I turn around someone’s trying to score points by giving “tough talk” to us fatties. Telling us that they are just fed up with us and our big, fleshy bodies like we should care how they feel. Saying that the world needs to stop “coddling” us, asserting that the world would be better if we didn’t exist, waging war on us for power, politics and profit. Suggesting that the problem with fat people is that we’re just not bullied and oppressed enough. Somehow certain that the reason we’re not thin is that 386,170 negative messages a year about our body are just not enough. That somebody needs to tell us we’re fat. If shaming fat people made us thin, we’d all be thin.”

— Ragen Chastain (via Dances With Fat)


Fat people on tumblr have literally changed my life. I’m finally okay with being fat. Thank you, to everyone who’s ever posted a photo of themselves on this website because I legit get power from seeing you all happy with who you are and how you look.

I second this. I’m working on a post about how much confidence I’ve gained from the wonderful fat women of Tumblr. Y’all are gorgeous, and stylish, and amazing!

What I hear when you say, "I love a girl who actually eats."



I hate that phrase. It gets under my skin every time I hear it. Why? Because it’s disingenuous. It seems to offer acceptance, but there are strings attached. 

1. Who are you to judge what someone else is eating? I know lots of people that simply do not eat much at any given meal. “Actually eating,” as the phrase indicates, would be very uncomfortable for them. It’s often uncomfortable to me; sometimes I’m ravenous and eat a big meal, sometimes I’m not hungry and eat just enough to avoid a headache.

2. If the person is being honest, the full phrase should be “I love a thin girl who actually eats.” 99.99% of the time, this is how it goes. 

It boils down to disrespecting the other person’s comfort and tastes. It says, “You should eat how much I think you should eat, but never gain any weight from it, because fat is gross.” 

The people who say this mean well, I think. They mean to be accepting, and don’t realize that it really implies control. I don’t need anyone’s permission to eat a steak with a pat of Gorgonzola butter on top, nor do I need permission to eat a fantastic salad. You want to talk food, great! I love trading recipes, restaurant stories, favorite cuisines (tied between Indian and Ethopian at the moment). Just don’t pretend like your permission to eat means a damn to me. 

It makes me wonder how I fit in. A fat girl who eats less than 800 calories a day because I’m sick. 

You eat whatever is comfortable (and preferably healthy, but hey, your choice) for you to eat, and to hell with anyone who tries to pressure you. 

Incidentally, do you read the thisisthinprivilege tumblr? I’ve found it very helpful; you might, too.

srlambert asked: Oh, almighty QQ, I've written a YA novel in 1st person PoV. For realism's sake, I felt it necessary to write the main's classmates cussing, but I didn't want to riddle my book with profanity. Since the main is a Christian, I had her bleep it out (----!) when she narrates the dialogue. It's played off as a joke. Am I just being a fuddy duddy? Do I need to man up and write the words out? Or is it wiser to leave profanity out of YA? Thank you so much for your guidance! *leaves Cheez-its at altar*


I find your humble offering acceptable.

Actually, I think that’s kind of hilarious. :) If executed well, the joke could be really effective. Play it up!


Speaking as a reader of such books…

I remember a series that was popular when I was a teen. Can’t remember the author, but all the titles started with “My Life As A…” They written in 1st person, and the MC would always translate cursing into something very tame but hilarious. Along the lines of “OH MY,THIS IS A VERY UNPLEASANT SENSATION!” It was executed well, and was VERY funny. 

Hope to see this book on the shelves!

Get intimate with me. now.

  • Because I'm procrastinating on sleep, and because I like to humor Amusedreams. : )
  • 01: tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?
  • tie between sense of humor and kindness.
  • 02: what on your body is hurting or bothering you?
  • Stupid f'ing bruised kneecap. I rolled over just now without thinking and ended up whimpering in pain.
  • 03: what was your last thought before going to bed last night?
  • "I don't want to go to church tomorrow."
  • 04: what are you listening to?
  • The heating system.
  • 05: what’s something you’re not looking forward to?
  • Seeing my grandmother at Christmas
  • 06: where do you think your best friend is right now?
  • I'm not sure I have a best friend right now.
  • 07: have you kissed anybody in the last five days?
  • Nope
  • 08: sex on the first date?
  • Nope
  • 09: kiss on the first date?
  • Nope
  • 10: is there one person you want to be with right now?
  • Yep.
  • 11: are you seriously happy with where you are in life?
  • No
  • 12: is there something you would like to say to someone?
  • Yes...but not here. : )
  • 13: what are three things you did today?
  • Took notes for a meeting, snuck a spiked soda into a church meeting, snuggled my cat
  • 14: would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over?
  • Either
  • 15: what is your favorite kind of gum?
  • Cinnamon
  • 16: are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends?
  • Yes, one.
  • 17: what is on your wrists right now?
  • Cat hair, probably.
  • 18: ever liked someone you thought you didn't stand a chance with?
  • I never stood a chance with anyone, so yeah.
  • 19: does anyone have strong feelings for you?
  • You'd have to ask him
  • 20: are you slowly drifting away from someone?
  • Yes, several of them
  • 21: have you ever wasted your time on someone?
  • Yes.
  • 22: can you do the alphabet in sign language?
  • No
  • 23: how have you felt today?
  • Tired, achey, depressed
  • 24: you receive £60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?
  • Groceries, phone bill
  • 25: what is wrong with you right now?
  • Do you want that thematically, or alphabetically?
  • 26: is there anyone you’re really disappointed in?
  • YES
  • 27: would you rather have starbucks or jamba juice right now?
  • Meh.
  • 28: why aren't you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore?
  • Well, that depends. If you mean the last person I was in a relationship with, we were just too different, and it never would have worked out. But he's happily married, we're still friends, so it's fine. But the last person I thought I had feelings for, it's because he turned out to be a lying, manipulative fuckweasel who used me as an emotional crutch, while asking out my housemates behind my back, and insulting my appearance in emails to them.
  • 29: how late did you stay up last night and why?
  • 2am, because I was trying to stop the bleeding from the lip that split when I did a faceplant on the stone floor at 1am.
  • 30: when was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
  • See number 6
  • 31: what were you doing an hour ago?
  • Annoying my cat with unsolicited snuggles
  • 32: what are you looking forward to in the next month?
  • Christmas!!
  • 33: are you wearing jeans right now?
  • Nope
  • 34: are you a patient person?
  • Totally depends on the situation
  • 35: do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?
  • Turns out, I can. I was more surprised than anyone.
  • 36: favourite colour?
  • Purple
  • 37: did you have a dream last night?
  • Yes, but I don't remember it.
  • 38: are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pyjama pants?
  • PJs
  • 39: if someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be?
  • Heh. I shall simply turn bright red, and plead the 5th here.
  • 40: do you love anyone who is not related to you?
  • Yes
  • 41: if someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
  • One person, yes. Anyone else, probably not.
  • 42: do you like meeting new people?
  • Depends on the people
  • 43: are you afraid of falling in love?
  • It's terrifying. Love gives the other person so much power to hurt you.
  • 44: ever self-harmed or starved yourself?
  • Yes
  • 45: has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
  • Yes
  • 46: have you ever felt like you weren't good enough?
  • Every single moment of every single day.

Agent in Publishing: Someone needs to bottle this.







I’m sure they (meaning scientists) can and probably have. The trick would probably be to make it not lethal. I imagine book smell, bottled, would be something like Sharpies.

Guys, this…

Actually, there’s this: Inspired by the smell of libraries. I have the really small bottle of this, and it smells AMAZING. Not exactly book smell, but close.

Query Quagmire: "Fahrenheit 451" is banned, but you should read it anyway


"Fahrenheit 451" by Ray Bradbury, 1953

Why it’s banned/challenged: Because the universe has an amusing sense of irony. It’s a banned book… about banning books. The whole point of the story is that censorship is wrong and horrible things happen when you destroy books and restrict knowledge. The…

Fact: My most prized possession is a copy of The Martian Chronicles, signed by Bradbury himself and a significant number of the Mars rover crew from Jet Propulsion Labs. If I ever had to dash out of my house due to fire, I would grab that book.

When I’m feeling sad or down on myself (which is most of the time, these days), I find it helpful to sit and read Calming Manatee. I love manatees, and have always wanted a big, huggable plush manatee. Last night, I realized that I had the perfect fabric to make one for myself, so I did. His face is a little wonky, because I drew the pattern freehand, but I think he’s adorable. 

I hope you see this, Calming Manatee! And thank you for everything that you do!

OsakaJack's Spotlight: Stuff from Japan


Hey there all. Well, in an attempt to fund, well, life, I am offering to send you stuff from Japan. If you want something, I’ll get it, box it up and send it to you.

If you want something specific, I’ll try, but I can pretty much guarantee you that specific things are usually more expensive….

Query Quagmire: abbyforth replied to your post: In the end there can be only oneUgh...


Ugh this is so true. I’m only an INTERN and I’ve experienced this at least five times so far.

Welcome to the fold, my dear. It only gets worse from here. Make sure your family understands the situation or they’ll start…

I even get this as a writer! People are always trying to find me “quick fixes” to get my novels seen: self-pubbing, bugging contacts in the industry, etc. They don’t understand why I think it’s important to go through the normal process, and why it’s rude to do these things.

Ms QQ, I promise that if we meet at a party under those circumstances, I will only chat about the latest season of ridiculous reality tv. Does Project Runway work for you?